Today, while random-walking through Target, I encountered the section where they keep exotic drinks such as Red Bull and other stimulating narrow-can favorites. At the end of the aisle I saw that the section was labeled "New Age Beverages". That didn't sound right to me; my associations with the phrase New Age are "serene", "pastel", and "somewhat stoned". The silver, garish packaging and chemical-laced taste are clearly out of touch with New Age sensibilities. So how should these fluids be described? Are modern beverages really Modern beverages, or is the Modern era over? What would a post-modern beverage be?